Fight for Preemies Day

Today, November 17th, is fight for preemies day. March of Dimes has asked that every blogging, preemie having parent, friend, grandparent, anyone affected by prematurity write about how it has affected them. It is truly something that affects everyone involved with the preemie. Not just the immediate family, but the extended family, the friends, and anyone else.

Bree was born 15 weeks, 2 days early at 25 weeks and 5 days gestation. Her weight was estimated at 1 pound but was unable to be weighed until after fluids had been given to her via IV and after that she weighed 1 pound 5 ounces. When she was pulled from my stomach she did not have a heartbeat and needed to have CPR right at birth. Her initial APGAR score was 0 on a scale of 0-10. All of her APGAR scores were 0, 1, and then 3. She was life flighted to Phoenix Childrens Hospital were she would spend the next 3 months and 5 days of her life. Within those days, she would have 2 surgeries, hundreds of x rays and ultrasounds, more needle pricks than I would like to think about, and she would have CPR again...for 28 minutes. She overcame much more than many adults that are in this world today. She truly is a miracle child.

Now, she is home, but not without struggles. We have numerous dr appts and therapies. We have had 3 hospital visits and 1 surgery since her discharge from the NICU. We will be having another surgery coming up here on the 9th of December to correct her lazy eyes. She is a very determined child who amazes me on a daily basis. She is always so happy and full of life.

Prematurity has affected us all. It has taken from me many things. I never got to nurse Bree and have that type of close bond with her. Instead...I got to hook myself up to a breast pump every two hours and sit there being like a cow on a mechanical milker. I never got to experience that normal birth, or to bring home a bundled sweet baby sister that Riley could hold. I never got to see the pride and excitement in my husband's eyes when I made him a father for the second time. All I got to see was fear and desperation in his eyes as he was being pushed out of the triage room with Riley screaming in his arms because (as the nurses said) "this is not a place for that little one...there is too much blood in here". And when I did come around and wake up from the c section, his first words were "She's so small.". He showed me a picture on his phone that he took before they took her in the helicopter, but even with that I had no concept of how tiny she was until I saw her for myself. She was so early that her eyelids were still fused together, and we would not see her beautiful eyes for another two weeks.

As a preemie parent, you get cheated out of being the first ones to bond with your baby because the reality of it is, is that you can't be there all the time. The wonderful nurses and doctors know your baby better than you do...and that hurts. You know in your heart it is for the best, but when your child is this fragile thing in a plastic box that you aren't allowed to touch for fear of hurting them, or causing them to desat it is just like a knife in your heart. Even when bringing her home from the NICU, I was worried that my own baby wouldn't know me, or would prefer to have one of the many nurses who loved her and snuggled with her at night.

Today, Bree's prematurity has affected me by making me more anxious. I worry about what is going to go wrong next, and how am I going to balance her needs with the needs of keeping our house up (which rarely happens lately), taking care of Riley, and me finishing my college. It has affected Adam because he no longer has the wife he used to know. I am worried that I will never get back to my old self...but I desperately want to for him. I cannot speak for him on any other aspect of the prematurity affecting him since I did not talk with him about this before writing it.

Bree's prematurity has affected Riley because she does not have a normal little sister that should be crawling by now, and even possible cruising furniture. Riley has to wait a lot for many things throughout the day because it takes 45 minutes to an hour to feed Bree...and that's three times a day (7, 12, 4). And last, but not least, it has affected our friends. We call upon them during late night ER runs, for doctor appointments so we don't have to take Riley, and for support. This experience has truly shown the true colors of our friends, and it has made us eternally grateful for the wonderful friends that we do have. Without them, I would be even more crazy than I am now.

So, thank you to all that have been a part of our journey of prematurity up to this point. It for certain does not end here because the effects of prematurity will follow Bree for the rest of her life. But, I know for sure that she will keep on smiling.

 

If you can spare a dollar, or even two...make a donation to March of Dimes.
Make a donation in honor of Bumble Bree. She went from this....

 to this...

...in one year. All because of the medical advances made by money raised from donors like you who supported the March of Dimes...and their fight for preemies.