How has Bree's situation changed me?

Having Bree changed a lot about me. At least I feel that it did. It has made me more anxious, I feel like I am always waiting for the next "thing" to go wrong with her. The next surgery, the next developmental delay, the next set of bad news. I am a pretty optimistic person so it is a little weird to always feel that way. However, it is the truth. Just like we got news that her MRI came back fine, I just can't believe it. I am happy, but I wonder if they missed something.

I do look at life differently, more in a religious sense however. Before Bree I was a pretty solid believer in God, and once she was born I began to waver. Many people argue with me about "How could you not think there is a God? Look at how great she is doing!" and I argue right back that "Why would God allow a baby to be born this early and struggle so much and go through so much?" She is one tough cookie of a kid, and that's why she is here today. I do not know anyone else that has had CPR for 28 minutes and is still alive today. It has also made me kind of bitter towards pregnant women who complain that they wish they could have their baby early "Just to be done with it". Yes, I have had people say that to my face and all I can do is turn around and walk away.

My relationship with Adam has gotten stronger, and I have seem him emerge as a better and more helpful Dad and husband because of all this. He sees what it takes to take care of the girls and he has really stepped it up. I feel like with Riley that I value our one on one time more because I spend so much time on Bree between feedings her, therapy stuff, etc. Sometimes I feel bad that she doesn't get as much attention if Bree would have been a 'normal' baby, but then I remind myself that it is what it is, and all we can do is our best. No need to mope and worry about something you can't change. With family, a few things have changed. I have learned that not everyone is going to approve of what we do with Bree, and it is not their life to live. We are the ones living day to day with her, and we will make the best decisions that we think are right. We are her parents, not anyone else.