Caved

I caved. I couldn't do it. Bree doesn't understand that when she feels hungry she needs to eat. All she does is cry in a certain way that I am sure I can feel my heart breaking into little pieces. We did sweat it out today right up until bedtime. She only had 3 ounces of milk today, and a few bites of a ritz cracker. This afternoon all she wanted to do was to be held, and she wanted to cry. I couldn't do it.

So before bed, she got a energy drink calorie induced tube fed meal. Two ounces of milk is approximately 40 calories, 1 tbsp of peanut butter =  90 calories, 1 tbsp of honey = 65 calories, 1 scoop doucal = 40 calories, 1 tsp of olive oil = 40 calories all equals out to about 3.5 ounces of  "food" that is 275 calories. Which makes one happy Bree, and one happy Mama.

Day 1 total

Bree's first day total of food:

She did get her morning tube feed before we went to the doctor, which was 8 ounces and 415 calories.

She also ate/drank:

5.5 ounces of whole milk which is approximately 100 calories.

2 chocolate M&M's

I am hoping tomorrow will be a more promising day since it will be her first full day without any tube feeds.

Opportunity to shine!

Today we had a pediatrician appt to talk about appetite stimulant for Bree. Our pediatrician does not reccomend it. I was counting on her backing me for the support of it, but that's okay.

She gave us the go ahead to start trying to wean Bree off of her g tube. Right now Bree eats 3 ritz crackers a day, and drinks about an ounce of whole milk. I think a lot of her lack on wanting to eat is because she is not hungry. How could she be when her breakfast tube fed meal is about 400 calories, and her lunch and dinner tube feeds are 300 each along with a night drip that is 180 calories. That is 1180 calories a day, which is what she needs to be getting. So, if you are getting all the calories you need, you would be full, right? So why would you need to eat by mouth? You have no reason to.

So, Bree will be not receiving any tube feeds during the day for the next 4 days. That is our trial period to see if she is ready to start eating by mouth. She will still be getting her night feed in order to assure she is staying hydrated. I am very hesitant and nervous about this, but I know it's the right thing to do. She's never going to get off of her tube unless we give her the opportunity to show us.

Please be praying for her, and for us as we embark on this adventure together.  I will be sure to keep everyone updated.

Las Vegas Trip

Putting the fun back into it...

I am not sure where I fell off track, but I am sure glad that I recognized it. I used to pride myself on being the "fun" babysitter. I had the crafts, the games and I was not beneath crawling around and growling like a monster to find 'hiding' kids. I loved it, and so did the kids I babysat.

Somewhere between babysitting at 17 and having a two year old and one year old of my own...I lost the fun. I am not sure where it has gone. I think it is lost in piles of laundry, hours of lost sleep, and a massive pile of toys, most of which are broken or missing pieces.

I am vowing to start putting the fun back into my parenting. I am too busy multi tasking, doing schoolwork, or picking up behind the kids. Tomorrow I am going to set my timer in fifteen minute increments and STOP AND PLAY. 

I will get on my knees and crawl around like a monster. I will turn the music up and dance like a maniac. I will give my children my all. All of the fun. All of the laughter. All of me.